Meeting a match for the first time: a safety plan

Meeting someone from an adult site is still meeting a stranger. The plan below takes about ten minutes to put in place, and none of it needs to be visible to the person you're meeting.

The plan at a glance

The whole plan fits in one table: check them out, meet in public, keep a friend in the loop and keep your own way home.

Before you go

Talk properly first. A few days of messages, then a phone or video call. A call confirms the voice matches the profile and gives you a feel for the person. Someone with endless reasons why they can't talk before meeting is worth being wary of.

Check the photos. A reverse image search on a profile picture can show whether it has been lifted from somewhere else. On Adults.co.uk, every photo is reviewed, but what members write about themselves is not checked, and the optional ID badge shows who has confirmed their identity. Our page on what we check and what we don't explains the difference.

Agree the outline. What you're both hoping for, any limits and safer sex. Our guide to talking about desires and limits shows how to do this without making it a negotiation.

Keep your details back. Your home address, workplace and full surname can wait until you've met and decided you trust each other. A separate email address and messaging inside the members area keep early contact contained.

Choose the right place

Meet first somewhere public, busy and neutral: a hotel bar, a pub you know, a café. That holds even if you both expect the evening to go somewhere private later. A first drink in public costs nothing and tells you a great deal.

Pick somewhere you can get to and from on your own. Don't accept a lift to the first meeting, and don't offer one. Somewhere you know, with staff and other people around, is better than somewhere new and quiet.

Many UK bars and pubs take part in Ask for Angela, a scheme run through local councils and police. If you feel unsafe, you ask staff for "Angela" and they'll move you somewhere out of sight, then help you leave or call a taxi (how the scheme works). Look for the posters, often in the toilets; not every venue takes part.

Tell a friend

Give someone you trust:

• the person's first name and a screenshot of their profile;
• where you're meeting and roughly when;
• a time to expect a message from you;
• what you'll do if plans change, such as texting the new address.

Agree two simple phrases: one that means "call me with an excuse" and another that means "something is wrong, call the police". Example check-in messages, to adapt: "All good, staying for another drink, back in touch by 10." and "Heading to [hotel name], will text by midnight."

If you miss the check-in and don't answer, your friend should keep trying and, if they still can't reach you and are worried, call the police.

On the day

• Charge your phone and carry what you need to get home on your own: a card, some cash, a taxi app.
• Watch your drink. Order it yourself, keep it with you, and leave it if you've lost sight of it.
• Keep a clear head. One or two drinks can help; being drunk makes every judgement harder, including judgements about consent.
• Trust the first ten minutes. If the person is noticeably different from their photos or their messages, or something feels wrong, you can leave. "It's been nice to meet you, but I'm going to head off" is plenty.

If you go somewhere private

Only if you both still want to, and only once you've met. Then:

• Text your friend the new address before you go.
• Think about whose place. A hotel room you booked keeps your home private and gives you a door you can leave by. Going to theirs means you need your own way home.
• Bring your own condoms. Don't rely on the other person to have them.
• Remember that consent is ongoing. Anything agreed in messages or at the bar can still change, for either of you. Our consent guide covers what that means in practice.

If the condom split or came off

Act quickly; the time limits are short.

Emergency contraception is free from NHS sexual health clinics and GP surgeries (NHS emergency contraception), and the NHS lists where to get it near you. PEP is available from sexual health clinics and A&E (NHS HIV prevention). Our sexual health guide explains testing in each part of the UK.

Afterwards

Check in with your friend as agreed, even if it all went well.

If something went wrong:

• In danger now: call 999.
• Sexual assault: NHS sexual assault referral centres offer free, confidential care, and you can use them without reporting to the police.
• Asked for money, or threatened with images: stop contact, keep the evidence and read our guide to scams and sextortion.
• Behaviour that broke the rules: report the profile from inside the members area. Our safety and consent page explains what to include and lists support lines for each part of the UK.

Red flags before a first meeting

Any one of these is reason enough to stop:

• Refuses a call or a public meeting.
• Pushes for your address, or to come straight to your home.
• Story or photos keep shifting.
• Asks for money, gift cards or "help" of any kind.
• Ignores a limit, or treats your caution as an insult.
• Pressures you to drink more, or to decide quickly.